Week 3- "Tug of War"

Hi, friends! I had every intention of posting this yesterday, but the day kind of spiraled out of control. Em had a fever. She needed an appointment with her pediatrician. Habitat called. Aunt Maria called. Made reservations. Canceled reservations. Rested. Caught up with Dan. Didn't rest. Em was up at 3:30 this morning- no more fever (yay!), but completely awake (noooooooo!). I'm exhausted but God is still good. He takes really good care of me. I'm leaning into that today. I need to.

Last week Pastor Janis talked to us about anxiety, worry, and fear. I know these feelings all too well. It seemed like they would unpack their bags and stay in my life indefinitely. It was a long eight months. In my own journey down the scary, lonely, stigma-ridden path of fear and anxiety, this has been one of my anchoring scriptures: "Therefore I remind you to stir up the gift of God which is in you through the laying on of my hands. For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind," (2 Timothy 1:6-7, NKJV). No fear, just power (the same power that raised Jesus from the grave), love (the perfect love that casts out fear), and a sound mind (the transformed, renewed mind of the new creation). Pastor Janis mentioned a couple others that I clung to and still remind myself of (by "remind" I mean yell to myself) when I get scared.

"So Jesus said to the Jews who had believed in him, 'If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth and the truth will set you free,'" (John 8:31-32, ESV).

"The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made know to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus," (Philippians 4:6-7, ESV).

"For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ, being ready to punish every disobedience, when your obedience is complete," (2 Corinthians 10:3-5, ESV).

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever in honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things," (Philippians 4:8, ESV).

And, finally, the one I have to say to myself most often (because the thing I obsessively worry about is my physical health), "'Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?,'" (Matthew 6: 25-27, NIV).

The importance of scripture cannot be overstated. It is the truth, the promises from our Father that help us endure. Sometimes anxiety is a spiritual thing, a character building lesson we wander through, but sometimes anxiety is a trauma-induced and/or biological disorder. Whatever the case, I highly recommend therapy. When I finally mustered up enough courage to ask for help, I was relieved. I was almost asleep by the end of my first session. I felt understood, normal (not crazy like I had feared). My therapist prayed with me after my last three sessions because I told her I was convinced my particular brand of anxiety was a spiritual attack. It had no clear trigger and made no sense. At all. We fought back the dark together and she believed for me until I learned how to believe for myself- it's ok, I'm ok.

The American Psychological Association defines anxiety as, "an emotion characterized by feelings of tension, worried thoughts and physical changes like increased blood pressure. People with anxiety disorders usually have recurring intrusive thoughts or concerns. They may avoid certain situations out of worry. They may also have physical symptoms such as sweating, trembling, dizziness or a rapid heartbeat." I just went, "check, check, check," in my mind; I experienced all those things! I felt like I might be going crazy. That's when I clung to the "sound mind" part of 2 Timothy 1:7 and, with the encouragement of a really good friend, I asked for help.

I'm compiling some resources for you below. I am including links to Pastor Janis' message from last week (http://victoriouslifechurch.com/sisterhood-tug-of-war-week-3/) and Pastor Ed's message on fear that he preached Sunday morning (http://victoriouslifechurch.com/never-once-alone/). I'm also including links to my personal blog on my journey to get better (http://adventuresinhappinessandotherthings.blogspot.com/2015/05/therapy.html) (http://adventuresinhappinessandotherthings.blogspot.com/2015/06/madness.html). If you need someone to talk to, to understand, and to provide you with specialized care please consider seeing a licensed therapist who also loves Jesus. You can reach out to Katherine Thomas whose office is nearby in Lutz (http://www.undoneandunafraid.com/). And when things are really hard here on earth and you yearn for the restoration heaven brings, think about those things and choose to continue to run. Don't quit. "Carry My Soul" by Phil Wickham is a beautiful reminder of both these things (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=waQe2Bkpo8c).

I'm praying for you! There is hope! Romans 8:22-25 in the NIV says, "22 We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. 23 Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the first fruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption to sonship, the redemption of our bodies. 24 For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? 25 But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently." Go forward boldly, sisters.

My friend Demene has some thoughts on last week's message that she'd like to share:

We are all familiar with the blasted fire alarm test. Years and years of drills seldom, if ever, having to put it into practice. Today as I sat in Sisterhood jotting down tools to deal with fear and anxiety I thought, "Yeah, not me. I've learned that lesson..." And then tonight happened. As my evening progressed I watched my fears turn from a simple door lock to a declaration of someone being out to get me. These fears compounded as the night wore on. It wasn't until the ride home that I began dealing with the worry that had kept me bound all evening. I pulled out my notes from today's fire drill and I began giving my worry over to the Lord. No weapon formed against me shall prosper. A sound mind. A thousand shall fall.

Yeah, the mind is powerful, but God is more powerful! I began singing it. I put my phone next to my bed, put on my favorite worship playlist and thought, "Thank you for the Word. Thank you for First Lady who had the foresight to share. Tonight I have been tested."

If you have anything you'd like to share in response to Pastor Janis' message, please tell us about it in the comments. We love your stories! Can't wait to see you all tomorrow.

Love,
Leah
(and Emma and Cat)

Week 2- "Tug of War"

Good morning! It's early for me. 6:40 to be exact. If I'm honest, I'm not feeling very inspired to write or say or do anything. I went searching for a soundtrack for a lackluster morning where I again wake with not enough sleep and kitten meowing and husband off to work in the dark. I felt sad and I could feel the you'll-never-be-enoughs start creeping in (even after my Bible reading). You know what song came on? Good Good Father. He's a good Father; it's who he is. And I am loved by him; it's who I am. I remembered his enough-ness and looked to his completeness and found myself whole and safe and enough in his arms. Not bad for 6:40.

Today I'd like to give you my version of Pastor Janis' message from last week entitled "The Three Deadly Ds," and, in case you're like me, I'll give them to you up front: distraction, discouragement, doubt. Doubt comes from listening to lies. What's on replay in our minds? I'll tell you what's been reeling in mine lately.
You're weak.
You'll never be enough.
You're too much.
God left you alone.
You'll never have rest.
You'll never know what God has for you.
You'll never have enough time...money...sleep...confidence.
Fear and anxiety are here to stay.
Your body is weak, sick.
You're a crappy mom.
LIES! That's why I crossed them out. That's not my true reality. I read Romans 8 in The Living Bible just a few minutes ago and I felt God's spirit calling to my spirit, reminding me of the truth.

"So there is now no condemnation awaiting those who belong to Christ Jesus. For the power of the life-giving Spirit- and this power is mine through Christ Jesus- has freed me from the vicious cycle of sin and death. We aren't saved from sin's grasp by knowing the commandments of God, because we can't and don't keep them, but God put into effect a different plan to save us. He sent his own Son in a human body like ours- except that ours are sinful- and destroyed sin's control over us by giving himself as a sacrifice for our sins. So now we can obey God's laws if we follow after the Holy Spirit and no longer obey the old evil nature within us.

"Those who let themselves be controlled by their lower natures live only to please themselves, but those who follow after the Holy Spirit find themselves doing those things that please God. Following after the Holy Spirit leads to life and peace, but following after the old nature leads to death, because the old sinful nature within us is against God. It never did obey God's laws and it never will. That's why those who are still under the control of their old sinful selves, bent on following their old evil desires, can never please God.

"But you are not like that. You are controlled by your new nature if you have the Spirit of God living in you...

"So, dear brothers, you have no obligations whatever to your old sinful nature to do what it begs you to do. For if you keep on following it you are lost and will perish, but if through the power of the Holy Spirit you crush it and its evil deeds, you shall live. For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God.

"And so we should not be like cringing fearful slaves, but we should behave like God's very own children, adopted into the bosom of his family, and calling to him, 'Father, Father.' For his Holy Spirit speaks to us deep in our hearts, and tells us that we really are God's children. And since we are his children, we will share his treasures- for all God gives to his Son Jesus is now ours too. But if we are to share in his glory, we must also share his suffering.

"Yet what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory he will give us later," (Romans 8:1-9, 12-18, emphasis added).

Did you catch that part in the beginning about how the power of God's life-giving Spirit is ours and it has freed us from sin and death?! I got so excited. I mope through a lot of my days feeling utterly defeated. Feelings are liars (sometimes). If I listen to them and the lies they tell me then I am being controlled by my old nature (this version refers to it as the "lower" nature- ouch). But if I don't give in to what my sin nature begs of me, if I crush it (love that word choice) then I can follow after the Holy Spirit, and this way of life leads to peace and life (yes!). I want that life. The full life. The peace life. Beyond that, verses 14 and 15 tell me that if I am led by the Spirit of God then I am a child of God and I can call out to him, "Father, Father!" He's my good, good father- and yours too!

In a matter of six hours I went through the process of distraction, discouragement, and doubt. The devil's plan is simple, yet effective.
1. Get my eyes off God and on my circumstances.
2. Make me believe my happiness lies in my surroundings.
3. When I'm successfully discouraged, convince me God doesn't care.
4. Sit back and let doubt do it's work.
It's his textbook play. Every time. And still I get swindled into believing lies. You see there's a gap between our expectations and reality. They never quite match. What will we fill the gap with? Pastor Janis reminded us that we can either fill it with worry, doubt, and fear (lies) or we can fill it with the truth of God's word. His word says we can bring our needs to him any time (Matthew 7:7), he really does care what happens to us (I Peter 5:7), and he loves us enough to discipline us when we have wrong thinking (Revelation 3:19).

I hope you feel encouraged this morning to endure knowing that you are not alone and that this present suffering is nothing compared to the coming glory we will share. Lean into our Father. His Spirit is speaking to our hearts, speaking to the treasure in all of us, reminding us we're his. We are loved! Let's live our lives in the security His freedom and love provide.

Love,
Leah


Here's the link to Pastor Janis' message from last week: http://victoriouslifechurch.com/sisterhood-tug-of-war-week-2/

This song is called "Steady Heart." The lyrics of the chorus say, "Steady heart that keeps on going. Steady love that keeps on hoping. Lead me on." This morning I needed to tell my heart to be steady. Be strong and courageous. Trust God. Endure. "Let us hold fast to the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful... and do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised," (Hebrews 10: 23, 35-36, ESV). https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hfh_x5rFuWc

Week 1- "Tug of War"

Happy Monday! This morning I wanted to share with you some thoughts on Pastor Janis' first message in our "Tug of War" series and other things I've made connections to this week.

Mary and Martha. If you've been in church for any length of time, you've probably heard the story.

Luke 10:38-42 ESV

38 As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. 39 She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. 40 But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

41 “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things,42 but few things are needed—or indeed only one.[f] Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

Jesus draws our attention to the tension we live in every day, sometimes every moment. In Mary we see the call to know and love God, to know the heart of our Father. In Martha we see the call to do all the tasks, handle our temporal existence.

I love the image of the ladder Pastor Janis used to describe how we view our spiritual life. Complete spiritual fulfillment and connection with God is on the top rung of the ladder and in order to reach it we have to climb the lower rungs, checking them off our list. Spend time in prayer, check! Read 3 chapters of the Bible, check! Meet someone new at church, check! Be vulnerable with someone for a few minutes, check! Talk about Jesus with at least two people who don't know Him, check! And we strip all grace and love and dependence upon Jesus from even our spiritual lives. We successfully turn it into another to-do list.

Each person is different. Mary is not better than Martha but, according to Jesus, Mary did choose the better part. The choice to sit at Jesus' feet and rest in him is presented to us all, Marys and Marthas alike. Pastor Janis reminded us, "The living room intimacy Mary enjoyed with Jesus will never come out of the busyness of Martha's kitchen. Busyness breeds distraction." The world demands achievement and accomplishment but our Father is after companionship. When we put work before worship we grow weary. So, let's come to the river all of us who are weary. Let's taste and see that the Lord is good, take refuge in him (Psalm 34:8). Let's come to Jesus and exchange our burdens for rest (Matthew 11:28).

More than just a sermon or a Sunday School lesson, God keeps pulling me into the Mary and Martha story. Every time I try frantically to do something, anything, to prove my worth, to contribute something meaningful He gently reminds me to find my identity in Him. He invites me to spend more time with Him. He tells me to be instead of do. My friend Tom always says, "Leah, you're a human being not a human doing." And I chuckle and remark on his silly dad jokes, but Tom doesn't joke about identity in Christ. He wants me to have a real understanding of God's love and grace that radically changes my thinking. Just yesterday he told me to see the treasure in myself and in others. God is making me into something that has never before existed- something new. I am new! No longer regarded in the flesh, behold the old has passed and the new has come! "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold the new has come," (2 Corinthians 5:17, ESV). The desire to be with our Father and rest in him is contrary to the flesh, but it is the desire of our spirit, the new man. Let's run toward that. Run into his arms. He'll tell us what he wants us to do later. Let's drink in his goodness, let's sing of his faithfulness, let's dance in his love. Being his above all else. 

As if weekly Sunday School lessons from Tom and now Pastor Janis' messages on Mary and Martha weren't enough, I randomly pulled up a Judah Smith podcast entitled "A Loophole in Love." Guess what it was about... Mary and Martha!!!!!!!! I'm paying attention, God- I really am! I've compiled a list of things below that I've been listening to and been encouraged by lately. If you have some time, I hope you'll listen too. I'd love to hear/read your thoughts and reflections in the comments. Thanks for sharing your morning with me!

Love,

Leah

For your listening enjoyment...
Pastor Janis' message from week 1: http://victoriouslifechurch.com/sisterhood-tug-of-war-week-1/
Judah Smith's message "A Loophole in Love": http://thecity.org/message/a_loophole_in_love
Come to the River by Housefires 

In case you're weary, hungry, thirsty. This song really got me this morning.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IKVHGi1iRLE

Sisterhood Fall Launch 2015!

Hi friends!

Leah here. As we jump, head first, into our Sisterhood services there are a few new things to look for:
1) A blog- Here you are! Check back here each week for a recap of Pastor Janis' message, my thoughts/reflections on it, and discussion with other women about how God is using his Word and our time together to make us more like him.
2) Rows of chairs instead of tables- We'll still have table groups once each month (so those of you who loved the table groups, don't despair!). We want to spend more time in worship and prayer but we also want to make time and space for relationship to flourish. Join us every Thursday morning at 10 for time to just be together before we worship. Last week was so fun and God's presence was among us- the air felt electric!
3) A leadership team- Toni Barsness is our Sisterhood service coordinator. Brynlee Duca oversees altar ministry, emcees, and the monthly offering focus. Tina Vargas oversees greeters, ushers, and check in. Donna Glatzer oversees set up and tear down and works with Lauren Jones to coordinate meal arrangements for our friends in need. Lauren is also our point person for pastoral care; any needs can be communicated to her. We want to take care of our family! And finally June Dennison is in charge of follow up. If you've missed a few weeks or something is going on in your life (good or bad) we want to know how we can pray, help, or celebrate with you. June is amazing at that.  

I'm looking forward to our time together again this week. I'm expecting God to be present, embrace us, remind us we're his. I'll be back later with my reflections on Pastor Janis' message last week, the first in our "Tug of War." Be on the lookout for that!

We watched a video last week in which women answered the question, "What does Sisterhood mean to you?" I'd like to give you the long version, my story. I attended VLC as a child and young adult for about eight years. I did some church hopping with my then-almost-husband until we completely quit church for about two years. We were young, disconnected, disenchanted, alone. A lot of our friends had moved away and our family situations we both a little rocky. We got married in May 2009, the same year my parents would separate. The first year of marriage was hard. Harder than I ever imagined. We didn't argue about which way the toilet paper roll should face or how to squeeze toothpaste from the bottle. Instead, we let our expectations and disappointments fester, layer upon layer. And in January of 2010 I found out I was pregnant. It was like we were drowning and then someone threw us a baby. But God knows what we need. He used Em to save us, to pull us back to him. We did some serious reevaluating of our priorities and expectations. We found our way back to church, one close to us at the time. I was so hungry for community, so hungry for the truth about God's grace and love (because I missed that part, apparently). We met amazing people and were hopeful relationships would take off. It never happened. We tried for three years to make friends, to spend time with people we enjoyed. I think they liked us back but I think they were too busy. Regardless, I felt tired, sad, hurt, bitter. We came back to VLC on Christmas Eve 2013. We sat with my Gramma (Dot Emmick, for those who knew her) and it felt like coming home. Dan and I knew this is where God wanted us. In January, a couple weeks after that Christmas service, my Gramma became very ill very suddenly. My best friend, the woman who nurtured me, who always believed in me, always prayed for me, always taught me about Jesus, always embraced me, she was gone. Just like that. And you know who called me the next day? Pastor Ed. I came to the women's event the following week and thought about Gramma and how much she loved these people and how much she loved this place and even though I only knew a handful of people it still felt like a safe place to be. That night I met Brynlee. She stayed with me the whole night. She and Larry had just come back from Malta; they didn't really know anyone either. In the weeks and months after that my family would get to know her family. We shared time and meals and prayers and tears. They adopted us. At a time when we were lonely and wandering and confused, they let us belong. I came to every Sisterhood meeting I could. I met Ann, Chris, Candy, Chrisie, Tina, Tabatha, June, Renee, Heather, Marla- women I might not have met otherwise, women who are helping me be better. Some women who have been my friends for years like Cindy, Pam, Susan, Jenn are still there. To me, Sisterhood is a place to belong. It is friends, purpose, meaning, hope. It's a community pursuing Jesus, together. Sisterhood is safe and warm and good. God gave me Sisterhood when I was empty and tired and insecure. He's filling me up with his love and Sisterhood is too. Sometimes God meets our needs by passing us each other. It's a beautiful thing and I'm so happy to be part of it.

Please share what Sisterhood means to you in the comments. I would love to hear your story. I'm a good listener. Just ask my friends.

Can't wait to hear from you!

Love,
Leah